On Thursday morning (June 6) I headed to the hospital from my parent's house. I was so glad I drove to their house the night before, so that I only had an hour and 15 minute drive to the hospital in the morning. When I walked into my dad's room, he was sitting up. My mom and sister-in-law where also there. One of the first things that my dad requested is that I take my mom to get a massage. I told him that I would get it lined up after he got home. I promised him. He was very concerned about my mom.
The day went by quickly. My dad dosed a little in the morning and suddenly he woke up suddenly and mumbled something. My mom and Jeanna and I were all alarmed and looking around trying to figure out what he needed. What he was saying was "Price is Right, Price is Right" and he was looking for the remote. It was 10 o'clock and he wanted to watch his show. We had such a good laugh about that. We also watch Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, one of his other favorite daily shows. That morning I also told him about the season finale for the show Elementary. I knew he had been watching it all season. He loved mystery shows and got me into that particular show. He hadn't been able to watch the season finale, so I told him some important plot twists. I just felt that he had to know them, which probably seems so silly, but at the time seemed so important to me.
My brother came over to the hospital around lunchtime, so my mom, Jeanna and I could grab a bit to eat out of the room. We were waiting to make arrangements to move my dad back home. The big thing was getting an oxygen concentrator that could pump enough oxygen for him. The social worker was working on the details and finally by mid-day everything was in place. They were going to deliver a hospital bed and oxygen on Friday morning. I would stay at the house to meet the delivery people. They would release my dad around 11:00, so he would be home by 12:30 and the Hospice nurse would meet him at that time to do his intake assessment. We also waited all day for the palliative care nurse, who never showed up. My dad was not in any pain - thankfully. My brother came back with dinner from Famous Dave's. My dad ate a little BBQ and some corn muffin. It was nice dinner, like old times with my parents and my brother. I left shortly after - saying good-bye and that I would see them tomorrow at home. I told my dad that I loved him and I'm pretty sure that the last thing he said to me was good-bye and that he loved me too.
I had to get home so that the neighbors could move my parent's bed from the front room back upstairs. Strangely enough, the neighbors doing the moving also happened to be the ones that own the funeral home kiddie corner from my parent's house and the other one worked there. Troy and Mitch (and their families too) have been so incredibly kind to my parents and they were so very sweet that night.
I woke up early on Friday (June 7) and got ready. I texted my mom around 7 and then spoke to Uncas at 7:15. By 7:30 I hadn't heard from my mom, so I called her. She was in tears and said that my dad wasn't doing well. I ended up heading straight to the hospital. I couldn't even believe it because just last night I was so sure I wouldn't have to make that drive again! When I got to the room, my dad was propped up, eyes closed and breathing very heavily. He had a bad episode while trying to take his morning pills and he wasn't able to recover. The oxygen in his room was cranked up to the highest level. I sat down on his bed, held his hand and began talking to him. At one point he did squeeze my hand.
It was clear that we wouldn't be able to bring him home, but we were going to talk with hospice about moving him to a facility in Madison that was just down the street from the hospital. The palliative nurse finally showed up (we waited all day to see her yesterday) and they were going to try and give my dad some morphine through an IV to help relax him. We also turned off the machine that showed his oxygen level. When it goes below a certain point, it would beep and the nurse said that we wouldn't see the numbers that we want, so it would be much less annoying to just turn it off. So we did.
Then they tried with the IV - it was a total disaster. The IV that he had in, collapsed and then three other nurses tried and tried to stick him . . .finally I had enough! I told them to stop and even went out to the nurses station and asked about other options. It was so awful. They ended up giving him shots in the stomach and it seemed to help relax him.
Calls had been put out, so my aunt was on her way up. My brother, Rick, from CA was actually in flight that morning. My sister Elaine from IL was waiting for my niece Elizabeth to finish up a class and then she was driving up with her and my other niece Catherine. We were also in the process of trying to get a hold and make arrangements for my sister in Arkansas to come up that day or else on Saturday. My brother, Derek and Jeanna were there all day too.
Around noon the nurses asked if they could bath my dad and change his gown. I could tell my mom didn't want to leave, but we let her have some time to say good-bye and headed to the cafeteria for lunch. After we came back into the room, we were all just sitting around. We would take turns and rotate sitting with my dad. Usually one person was on each side of him - often holding his hand. Around 1 pm, I suggested that maybe my mom should go to Derek and Jeanna's to shower. So many people would be arriving soon, and I knew she wasn't feeling too fresh. She finally agreed to it and we let her have some time with my dad before she left.
Derek and I stayed with dad. We had the Cubs game on, and while I was looking at the tv, I couldn't even tell you who they were playing (although, they did lost). I remember that at some point Derek stepped out of the room, so I had some time alone with him. I don't remember what I said, but I remember being grateful for the chance to have some time alone with him.
My Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim showed up and they were pretty shocked since they had seen him just a week ago. Then my mom and Jeanna came back. Derek hung out with their kids downstairs, so Jeanna could spend some time in the room. Around this time (maybe 3 in the afternoon) my sister Jr. called from Arkansas (or maybe we called her) and my mom put her on speaker phone and she talked to my dad. Unfortunately he wasn't able to respond back to her, but I'd like to think that he heard her.
Finally around 4 pm the hospice person came in to talk about moving my dad. She was supposed to be there at 3. And then she came and did this weird "selling" to move him to their facility. When she was done with her little speech, I could see that my mom seemed a little overwhelmed. We ask her to give us a minute to talk it over. My mom's biggest fear is that he would pass in transit. After finding out if my mom could ride in the ambulance, my mom decided to go ahead and make the move. My aunt and uncle took my mom's car over to the place and came back to the hospital. They were in talks with Rick and Elaine to make sure they knew where to go. Around 6:15 they were ready to move him. Derek, my aunt and uncle and I all left and drove separately while my mom went with my dad. The drive over only took about 15 minutes and when we arrived, the ambulance was right behind us. And right behind that was my brother Rick!
We were all so glad that Rick made it in time and when we got to the room, we let him have some time alone with my dad. Elaine and the girls were close by. The room at hospice was really nice and large. The grounds were beautiful and the people were so nice. Around 6:55 one of the dr's stopped by to check on us and dad. She had said that the oxygen mask wasn't doing much, but we wanted to keep it on until Elaine arrive. While the dr was talking both Rick and I noticed that my dad's breathing changed. The dr. left and me, my mom, Rick, Derek and my aunt were all surrounding him when he took his last breath about 1 minute later. It was calm, peaceful and surreal. I just remember the only thing going through my head is what I often say to Eddie and Edith - "I love you, I love you, I love you!"
Unfortunately about 15 minutes later Elaine and the girls arrived. We had told my dad that they were coming and on their way. They did visit with my dad about two weeks earlier and had a really great day with him at home. We were still in the room and actually stayed in there for a few hours while waiting for the funeral home to come and pick him up. That hospice facility had a little ceremony and we actually walked with the body while they rolled him out.
It's just over a month since he died. It's still really hard some days. Uncas and I have had a lot talks about losing a parent (and basically how it sucks). The kids still talk about Grandpa Ron, although when asked Eddie's knows that he is in heaven with Grandma Rita. Lately they have been playing again where Uncas and I are Grandma and Grandpa. We had told them that Grandpa Ron was sick and just the other day Edith was asking about him. I think one of the hardest things is knowing that they won't have any memories of him because they are too little. And I think it's unfair that they have lost 2 grandparents already! But I am grateful for the time and memories and pictures that I have with them and my dad.
One of my friends wrote an email to me two days before my dad passed. She shared a little story and ended with these words which provided with some comfort:
"Sometimes when we are given something hard to walk thru we must look at the
silent empty spaces in between hoping maybe they will give us some grace to get
thru it all.
and if we can do that, then i believe we will eventually find peace."
