Growing Up

So, this also happened in July:

We switched Edith to her toddler bed. It sounds more glamorous than it really is. I took a side off of her crib. We have been fortunate that neither child ever tried to climb out of the crib. And as a result, neither child gets up out of their bed.  In my opinion, Eddie was too lazy (or it never occurred to him) and Edith genuinely likes her crib/bed. I think there are two reasons for this, 1. she likes to play with her babies and animals and 2. it's the only place she is allowed to have her nuks.

I think we'll be looking to switch to a twin bed come the fall which means redoing her room a bit and it also means saying good-bye to the glider (sniff, sniff). But for now, she likes her little bed and is sleeping great!

This Happened in July

I made it a personal vow to not write about potty training on this blog or any social media. I don't mind reading what other people have to say, but I just decided to not really talk about any of the details. If you've encountered me in person in the last 6 months, I've had A LOT to say about it. But let's just say that that after months of stressing out about it, we did and we made through the other side. Thank you to my mom for helping during the worst of it.  Now we have pictures of him hanging out in his underwear. It's adorable!

One down; one to go! Hoping we can be diaper free by the fall!!!

Heat Wave

A couple of weeks ago Uncas spent $6 on a pool for the kids.  They love it and we've gotten a lot of use out it since it's been rather hot lately.  In fact it's been so warm that after dinner they have been playing in the pool - usually naked. And of course, not just playing in the pool naked, but running around the yard naked too! Uncas and I love it because we can sit back and watch them burn off some energy.

Making their own water slide

Busy with the water toys

I love this picture of her

Working hard at something

Playing in the pool in the evening

They think it's a bath tub!

Running naked in the yard!

Happy 2nd Birthday!

On June 30th, our baby turned 2! It's hard to believe, yet at the same time, she is definitely a little girl and not a baby anymore. I decided to forgo a party for her this year because we've had a string of sickly birthdays and because Edith sometimes gets overwhelmed with lots of people.  But it worked out nicely because we were at the lake for part of the day, so she was surrounded by some good friends and then when we came home we did presents and cake.

She requested a purple butterfly cake (thank goodness, because Eddie was lobbying hard for a truck cake!) and for dinner we had Noodles and Company so she could have mac and cheese (which she requests for every meal).

Of course, there are always cookies!

Opening gifts

 

Playing with her new doll house

Butterfly cake

Seeing her cake for the first time

Waiting while we sing "Happy Birthday"

Yummy cake!

Brother enjoying the cake even though it's not a truck!!!

As I mentioned before she is turning into quite the fun little girl. I just love this age! The things that come out of her mouth so are funny! Her vocabulary is quite large and I had to laugh when the pediatrician asked what words she was saying.  I simply said "what isn't she saying!"

In addition to talking like crazy, she also loves to sing.  Currently "Old McDonald" is one of her favorites along with the Name Game song (Katie, Katie, bo-batie, Banana-fana fo-fatie, Fee-Fi-mo-matie, Katie!). She'll do that song with anything - including bunny crackers!!! She also loves to play instruments and sing along while playing them.

She is really into playing with her numerous babies and puppies and bunnies. When she wakes up in the morning or from her naps, she loves playing with them all in her crib. When we go in to get her, she'll have them lined up, or sleeping, or reading to them or changing their diapers. It's beyond adorable! 

She still will play with cars and trucks and trains and she also loves playing with Duplos.  She enjoys coloring and drawing. She likes to put things in bags and leave for "work" or she'll make food in her toy kitchen.  

She loves to help with any kind of chore. I will let her help emptying the dishwasher and she feeds Sammy every morning (Eddie feeds him at night). She likes to help fold laundry, dust and vacuum.

She's a good sleeper - going to bed around 7:30 and waking up between 6:30 and 7:30 in the morning.  She naps from about 12:15-2 or 2:30 every day. While she loves her crib, we are thinking about moving her to a toddler bed . . . but we'll see.

She recognizes some letters and likes to sing the alphabet (although, she doesn't quite have all the letters just yet). She likes to count and she's starting to recognize colors. She's fun, funny, independent, smart, dramatic, loving and just so amazing. 

At the Lake!

And now we are back to our regularly scheduled blog posts! I have many cute pictures of adorable kids to share.  Summer time was slow to appear, but now the sun and warm weather are in full force.  The kids love to spend time outside and while I thought we would be heading to the park a lot, they have been quite content to stay and play at home.  This means my yard is actually looking pretty good.

The last weekend in June we headed to Mille Lacs, a huge lake in MN.  We stayed with our friend's parents and my mom came along too.  The weather was a little rainy on Friday, but the rest of the weekend was beautiful.  We spent much of the time playing on the beach.

Kids waiting for paddle boat rides

Eddie on the paddle boat

Edith on the paddle boat

Josie on the paddle boat

Charlie and Eddie on the beach

Getting our feet wet

Ronie and Sammy on the paddle boat

Daddy and Eddie playing with Legos

All three doggies all worn out!

Taking a little snack break

Going for a wagon ride

On Sunday morning we thought it would be fun to take a little boat trip with the kids.  So 5 adults, 4 kids and 2 dogs loaded into the boat.

Janis, Ronie and Charlie at the front

Captain Matt at the wheel!

JoJo and Josie

Eddie and Daddy

The birthday girl and me

 Unfortunately after being out for about 15 minutes, we ran out of gas!  We didn't actually know what the problem was at first. Uncas and I both had our phones, so we called back to the house and the neighbor came to "rescue" us, as Eddie put it.  That was the highlight of the weekend for him.

Getting towed

We had such a fun weekend!  Thanks so much to Matt's parents for the wonderful hospitality!  We hope to come back again!

My Dad - part 3 - Saying Good-bye

On Thursday morning (June 6) I headed to the hospital from my parent's house.  I was so glad I drove to their house the night before, so that I only had an hour and 15 minute drive to the hospital in the morning. When I walked into my dad's room, he was sitting up.  My mom and sister-in-law where also there. One of the first things that my dad requested is that I take my mom to get a massage.  I told him that I would get it lined up after he got home. I promised him.  He was very concerned about my mom.

The day went by quickly. My dad dosed a little in the morning and suddenly he woke up suddenly and mumbled something.  My mom and Jeanna and I were all alarmed and looking around trying to figure out what he needed.  What he was saying was "Price is Right, Price is Right" and he was looking for the remote. It was 10 o'clock and he wanted to watch his show. We had such a good laugh about that.  We also watch Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, one of his other favorite daily shows.  That morning I also told him about the season finale for the show Elementary. I knew he had been watching it all season.  He loved mystery shows and got me into that particular show. He hadn't been able to watch the season finale, so I told him some important plot twists. I just felt that he had to know them, which probably seems so silly, but at the time seemed so important to me.

My brother came over to the hospital around lunchtime, so my mom, Jeanna and I could grab a bit to eat out of the room.  We were waiting to make arrangements to move my dad back home.  The big thing was getting an oxygen concentrator that could pump enough oxygen for him. The social worker was working on the details and finally by mid-day everything was in place.  They were going to deliver a hospital bed and oxygen on Friday morning. I would stay at the house to meet the delivery people. They would release my dad around 11:00, so he would be home by 12:30 and the Hospice nurse would meet him at that time to do his intake assessment.  We also waited all day for the palliative care nurse, who never showed up.  My dad was not in any pain - thankfully.  My brother came back with dinner from Famous Dave's.  My dad ate a little BBQ and some corn muffin. It was nice dinner, like old times with my parents and my brother. I left shortly after - saying good-bye and that I would see them tomorrow at home.  I told my dad that I loved him and I'm pretty sure that the last thing he said to me was good-bye and that he loved me too.

I had to get home so that the neighbors could move my parent's bed from the front room back upstairs.  Strangely enough, the neighbors doing the moving also happened to be the ones that own the funeral home kiddie corner from my parent's house and the other one worked there. Troy and Mitch (and their families too) have been so incredibly kind to my parents and they were so very sweet that night.

I woke up early on Friday (June 7) and got ready. I texted my mom around 7 and then spoke to Uncas at 7:15.  By 7:30 I hadn't heard from my mom, so I called her.  She was in tears and said that my dad wasn't doing well.  I ended up heading straight to the hospital.  I couldn't even believe it because just last night I was so sure I wouldn't have to make that drive again!  When I got to the room, my dad was propped up, eyes closed and breathing very heavily. He had a bad episode while trying to take his morning pills and he wasn't able to recover.  The oxygen in his room was cranked up to the highest level. I sat down on his bed, held his hand and began talking to him. At one point he did squeeze my hand.

It was clear that we wouldn't be able to bring him home, but we were going to talk with hospice about moving him to a facility in Madison that was just down the street from the hospital. The palliative nurse finally showed up (we waited all day to see her yesterday) and they were going to try and give my dad some morphine through an IV to help relax him.  We also turned off the machine that showed his oxygen level. When it goes below a certain point, it would beep and the nurse said that we wouldn't see the numbers that we want, so it would be much less annoying to just turn it off.  So we did.

Then they tried with the IV - it was a total disaster.  The IV that he had in, collapsed and then three other nurses tried and tried to stick him . . .finally I had enough!  I told them to stop and even went out to the nurses station and asked about other options.  It was so awful. They ended up giving him shots in the stomach and it seemed to help relax him.

Calls had been put out, so my aunt was on her way up.  My brother, Rick, from CA was actually in flight that morning.  My sister Elaine from IL was waiting for my niece Elizabeth to finish up a class and then she was driving up with her and my other niece Catherine.  We were also in the process of trying to get a hold and make arrangements for my sister in Arkansas to come up that day or else on Saturday.  My brother, Derek and Jeanna were there all day too.

Around noon the nurses asked if they could bath my dad and change his gown.  I could tell my mom didn't want to leave, but we let her have some time to say good-bye and headed to the cafeteria for lunch.  After we came back into the room, we were all just sitting around.  We would take turns and rotate sitting with my dad.  Usually one person was on each side of him - often holding his hand. Around 1 pm, I suggested that maybe my mom should go to Derek and Jeanna's to shower.  So many people would be arriving soon, and I knew she wasn't feeling too fresh. She finally agreed to it and we let her have some time with my dad before she left.

Derek and I stayed with dad.  We had the Cubs game on, and while I was looking at the tv, I couldn't even tell you who they were playing (although, they did lost). I remember that at some point Derek stepped out of the room, so I had some time alone with him.  I don't remember what I said, but I remember being grateful for the chance to have some time alone with him.

My Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim showed up and they were pretty shocked since they had seen him just a week ago. Then my mom and Jeanna came back.  Derek hung out with their kids downstairs, so Jeanna could spend some time in the room.  Around this time (maybe 3 in the afternoon) my sister Jr. called from Arkansas (or maybe we called her) and my mom put her on speaker phone and she talked to my dad.  Unfortunately he wasn't able to respond back to her, but I'd like to think that he heard her.

Finally around 4 pm the hospice person came in to talk about moving my dad.  She was supposed to be there at 3. And then she came and did this weird "selling" to move him to their facility.  When she was done with her little speech, I could see that my mom seemed a little overwhelmed.  We ask her to give us a minute to talk it over.  My mom's biggest fear is that he would pass in transit.  After finding out if my mom could ride in the ambulance, my mom decided to go ahead and make the move.  My aunt and uncle took my mom's car over to the place and came back to the hospital.  They were in talks with Rick and Elaine to make sure they knew where to go. Around 6:15 they were ready to move him.  Derek, my aunt and uncle and I all left and drove separately while my mom went with my dad.  The drive over only took about 15 minutes and when we arrived, the ambulance was right behind us. And right behind that was my brother Rick!

We were all so glad that Rick made it in time and when we got to the room, we let him have some time alone with my dad.  Elaine and the girls were close by. The room at hospice was really nice and large. The grounds were beautiful and the people were so nice.  Around 6:55 one of the dr's stopped by to check on us and dad.  She had said that the oxygen mask wasn't doing much, but we wanted to keep it on until Elaine arrive.  While the dr was talking both Rick and I noticed that my dad's breathing changed.  The dr. left and me, my mom, Rick, Derek and my aunt were all surrounding him when he took his last breath about 1 minute later.  It was calm, peaceful and surreal. I just remember the only thing going through my head is what I often say to Eddie and Edith - "I love you, I love you, I love you!"

Unfortunately about 15 minutes later Elaine and the girls arrived. We had told my dad that they were coming and on their way.  They did visit with my dad about two weeks earlier and had a really great day with him at home. We were still in the room and actually stayed in there for a few hours while waiting for the funeral home to come and pick him up.  That hospice facility had a little ceremony and we actually walked with the body while they rolled him out.

It's just over a month since he died. It's still really hard some days. Uncas and I have had a lot talks about losing a parent (and basically how it sucks). The kids still talk about Grandpa Ron, although when asked Eddie's knows that he is in heaven with Grandma Rita. Lately they have been playing again where Uncas and I are Grandma and Grandpa.  We had told them that Grandpa Ron was sick and just the other day Edith was asking about him. I think one of the hardest things is knowing that they won't have any memories of him because they are too little.  And I think it's unfair that they have lost 2 grandparents already! But I am grateful for the time and memories and pictures that I have with them and my dad.

One of my friends wrote an email to me two days before my dad passed.  She shared a little story and ended with these words which provided with some comfort:

"Sometimes when we are given something hard to walk thru we must look at the silent empty spaces in between hoping maybe they will give us some grace to get thru it all.

and if we can do that, then i believe we will eventually find peace."

My Dad - Part 2

My dad was in great spirits after the bronchoscopy. Even that morning before he had the procedure.  He started asking anyone who came in the room for their birthdate (if you have stayed at the hospital, you know that everyone asks you that a bazillon times before they do anything!) He wanted to get a voice recorder, so he could start recording anything that came to mind.  He wasn't sure if he would be able to get them all typed up, but he felt that he had a lot to say.

Thursday night my dad called me up and asked me to make him some plain sugar cookies.  He hadn't had much of an appetite, and I so loved baking for him.  I was beyond exhausted that night and in tears just thinking that there was no way I could get this done, but I told him yes and it wouldn't be a problem. I ended up making it work out the following morning and I was grateful to deliver him those cookies.  He appreciated them and it was the last thing I ever baked for him - plain sugar cookies.

On Friday morning Uncas and I packed up everything and headed to my brother who lives about 30 minutes south of the hospital in Madison. We decided that we would stay the night there.  We planned to head to the hospital on Friday afternoon to visit my dad and then head out of town on Saturday morning to go back home.  The kids LOVED playing with their cousins and all their new toys.  After naps we drove to the hospital. Unfortunately when we arrived, the pulmonary dr was in the room giving the results of the biopsy.  Uncas took the kids to the waiting area on the floor, while I was able to stay in the room while the dr. finished up.  It was then that we learned he had a very aggressive form of cancer, but that it would respond well to treatment.  After he left, I got the kids and we visited for just a few minutes before the oncologist came in to talk about treatment. This time I went with Uncas out to the waiting room with the kids.  We waited and waited and finally I knew that we had to get going, so we went in and said a quick good-bye since they were still talking to the dr.

It didn't occur to me until about 2 weeks after my dad died that this was the last time that the kids and Uncas ever saw him alive. I was pretty upset thinking about it because it wasn't even a nice good-bye.  It was so rushed. In hindsight, we should have taken our time and taken more pictures - even if the dr. was there.  Time spent with a loved one is the most important thing!

My dad started chemo on Friday night.  He was going to have 3 days of treatment and then a 3-4 week break and then another round of treatment and the plan was to do that 6 times.  He had treatment on Saturday and then Sunday.  They were hoping to get home Monday, but ended up staying another night in the hospital.  When he was finally released on Tuesday, it was a long day and things were tough at home.  My mom had to sort through all his medication - old and new.  He needed a big pill box (even though he already a big one to begin with!)

I was starting to get very concerned about my mom through all of this.  My brother and I had emailed about that aspect and my sister-in-law Jeanna went over a few times that week to help out with cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. A nurse was also stopping over a couple of times a week to check on my dad. He was quite fatigued from the chemo, so he spent much time sleeping.

Around this time during the week I had asked my mom if I could come over on the weekend.  It would be a short trip - just me, to help her get organized. My main goals were to get a calendar set up, so my parent's local friends could help them out by initially bringing meals and then as their needs became greater, expand that. I felt it was something I could do even though I was far away.  I also wanted to help my mom with blogging - either updating my dad's or starting one of her own.

On Friday my Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim came up from Chicago to visit and spend the night.  She is my dad's only sister. They brought a bunch of Italian Beef (my dad's favorite) and so my parent's decided to invite some close friends from town (Larry and Sharon) over to enjoy dinner too.

Sometime during the week, my dad began to lose his voice.  His throat wasn't sore or anything, but he just couldn't talk above a whisper. I arrived on Saturday in time for lunch. My dad was sleeping on the reclining rocker in the living room. He didn't look very well. That morning my parent's awesome neighbor bought and planted flowers for them all around their house.  She also dropped off a meal that we would have that night. My mom and I sat down with the computer and set her up with a new blog. We also set up a Care Calendar for the month of June.

I could tell that this was very stressful for my mom.  She was constantly checking on my dad. I can't even imagine being thrust into the role of a home nurse without any formal training. She was giving him nebulizer treatments 4 times a day, checking his temperature, checking for blood clots, giving medications, and trying to get him to eat. He was so appreciative of everything my mom would do, even though he didn't like all the fussing. I left on Sunday morning feeling ok since I knew I was going to be back the following weekend with the kids.

On Monday (June 3) my mom talked with a nurse about my dad.  He should have been rebounding from the chemo by this point, but he wasn't. On Tuesday the home nurse stopped by and after accessing him, she got on the phone with the nurse from the oncologist's office and they decided he should go to the hospital.  They went to the Dodgeville hospital. Once there, the dr.'s there decided that he would need to be transferred to Madison. My mom needed to go home to get some things while my dad would be transport via ambulance. Of course my mom was very worried that something would happen while he was driving to Madison.  Fortunately that was not the case.  We found out Tuesday evening that his left lung had collapsed. They were going to try and do another bronchoscopy on Wednesday to see the cause of his lung collapsing.

Wednesday morning the kids and I had a play date here with a friend and her daughters.  I hadn't heard much from my mom, but was hoping to hear soon about whether or not they could do the bronchoscopy and when it could be scheduled. Just as I had put Edith down for her nap, Uncas came walking through the door.  At that very moment, I knew something was very, very wrong and just grabbed my phone and started calling my mom. She had called him at work and asked him to come home, so she could talk to us together.

As it turned out, the lung collapsed from the tumor and because my dad was so very weak from the chemo, they would be unable to do the bronchoscopy. The chemo had destroyed every cell in his body, but did nothing to the tumor. There wasn't really anything more they could do for him. He was going to connect with Hospice and hoped to get back at home as soon as possible. The timeframe we were looking at was possibly a couple of weeks. My mom said for us to come - whenever and as soon as we wanted.

It's a little overwhelming to hear the news that your parent is dying and quickly. When we first got off the phone I just started canceling our commitments for the upcoming week. But then I couldn't do anything else. I was trying to figure out when to leave.  Originally I was going to wait until Thursday morning and drive straight to Madison.  But as the afternoon wore on, I decided that maybe I should drive to my parent's house that night and then head to the hospital on Thursday morning. And that's exactly what I did. My plan was to stay until the end - however long that would be.  I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my dad.  Uncas was going to come with the kids on Saturday and then I would keep the kids there with me and Uncas could head back home, so he could go back to work.

As I was leaving town on Wednesday evening, I saw a rainbow. I thought of my dad, how he always looked for things in nature when he drove anywhere and how much he saw because he actually looked.

Up next - part 3 - saying good-bye . . .