My dad was in great spirits after the bronchoscopy. Even that morning before he had the procedure. He started asking anyone who came in the room for their birthdate (if you have stayed at the hospital, you know that everyone asks you that a bazillon times before they do anything!) He wanted to get a voice recorder, so he could start recording anything that came to mind. He wasn't sure if he would be able to get them all typed up, but he felt that he had a lot to say.
Thursday night my dad called me up and asked me to make him some plain sugar cookies. He hadn't had much of an appetite, and I so loved baking for him. I was beyond exhausted that night and in tears just thinking that there was no way I could get this done, but I told him yes and it wouldn't be a problem. I ended up making it work out the following morning and I was grateful to deliver him those cookies. He appreciated them and it was the last thing I ever baked for him - plain sugar cookies.
On Friday morning Uncas and I packed up everything and headed to my brother who lives about 30 minutes south of the hospital in Madison. We decided that we would stay the night there. We planned to head to the hospital on Friday afternoon to visit my dad and then head out of town on Saturday morning to go back home. The kids LOVED playing with their cousins and all their new toys. After naps we drove to the hospital. Unfortunately when we arrived, the pulmonary dr was in the room giving the results of the biopsy. Uncas took the kids to the waiting area on the floor, while I was able to stay in the room while the dr. finished up. It was then that we learned he had a very aggressive form of cancer, but that it would respond well to treatment. After he left, I got the kids and we visited for just a few minutes before the oncologist came in to talk about treatment. This time I went with Uncas out to the waiting room with the kids. We waited and waited and finally I knew that we had to get going, so we went in and said a quick good-bye since they were still talking to the dr.
It didn't occur to me until about 2 weeks after my dad died that this was the last time that the kids and Uncas ever saw him alive. I was pretty upset thinking about it because it wasn't even a nice good-bye. It was so rushed. In hindsight, we should have taken our time and taken more pictures - even if the dr. was there. Time spent with a loved one is the most important thing!
My dad started chemo on Friday night. He was going to have 3 days of treatment and then a 3-4 week break and then another round of treatment and the plan was to do that 6 times. He had treatment on Saturday and then Sunday. They were hoping to get home Monday, but ended up staying another night in the hospital. When he was finally released on Tuesday, it was a long day and things were tough at home. My mom had to sort through all his medication - old and new. He needed a big pill box (even though he already a big one to begin with!)
I was starting to get very concerned about my mom through all of this. My brother and I had emailed about that aspect and my sister-in-law Jeanna went over a few times that week to help out with cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. A nurse was also stopping over a couple of times a week to check on my dad. He was quite fatigued from the chemo, so he spent much time sleeping.
Around this time during the week I had asked my mom if I could come over on the weekend. It would be a short trip - just me, to help her get organized. My main goals were to get a calendar set up, so my parent's local friends could help them out by initially bringing meals and then as their needs became greater, expand that. I felt it was something I could do even though I was far away. I also wanted to help my mom with blogging - either updating my dad's or starting one of her own.
On Friday my Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim came up from Chicago to visit and spend the night. She is my dad's only sister. They brought a bunch of Italian Beef (my dad's favorite) and so my parent's decided to invite some close friends from town (Larry and Sharon) over to enjoy dinner too.
Sometime during the week, my dad began to lose his voice. His throat wasn't sore or anything, but he just couldn't talk above a whisper. I arrived on Saturday in time for lunch. My dad was sleeping on the reclining rocker in the living room. He didn't look very well. That morning my parent's awesome neighbor bought and planted flowers for them all around their house. She also dropped off a meal that we would have that night. My mom and I sat down with the computer and set her up with a new blog. We also set up a Care Calendar for the month of June.
I could tell that this was very stressful for my mom. She was constantly checking on my dad. I can't even imagine being thrust into the role of a home nurse without any formal training. She was giving him nebulizer treatments 4 times a day, checking his temperature, checking for blood clots, giving medications, and trying to get him to eat. He was so appreciative of everything my mom would do, even though he didn't like all the fussing. I left on Sunday morning feeling ok since I knew I was going to be back the following weekend with the kids.
On Monday (June 3) my mom talked with a nurse about my dad. He should have been rebounding from the chemo by this point, but he wasn't. On Tuesday the home nurse stopped by and after accessing him, she got on the phone with the nurse from the oncologist's office and they decided he should go to the hospital. They went to the Dodgeville hospital. Once there, the dr.'s there decided that he would need to be transferred to Madison. My mom needed to go home to get some things while my dad would be transport via ambulance. Of course my mom was very worried that something would happen while he was driving to Madison. Fortunately that was not the case. We found out Tuesday evening that his left lung had collapsed. They were going to try and do another bronchoscopy on Wednesday to see the cause of his lung collapsing.
Wednesday morning the kids and I had a play date here with a friend and her daughters. I hadn't heard much from my mom, but was hoping to hear soon about whether or not they could do the bronchoscopy and when it could be scheduled. Just as I had put Edith down for her nap, Uncas came walking through the door. At that very moment, I knew something was very, very wrong and just grabbed my phone and started calling my mom. She had called him at work and asked him to come home, so she could talk to us together.
As it turned out, the lung collapsed from the tumor and because my dad was so very weak from the chemo, they would be unable to do the bronchoscopy. The chemo had destroyed every cell in his body, but did nothing to the tumor. There wasn't really anything more they could do for him. He was going to connect with Hospice and hoped to get back at home as soon as possible. The timeframe we were looking at was possibly a couple of weeks. My mom said for us to come - whenever and as soon as we wanted.
It's a little overwhelming to hear the news that your parent is dying and quickly. When we first got off the phone I just started canceling our commitments for the upcoming week. But then I couldn't do anything else. I was trying to figure out when to leave. Originally I was going to wait until Thursday morning and drive straight to Madison. But as the afternoon wore on, I decided that maybe I should drive to my parent's house that night and then head to the hospital on Thursday morning. And that's exactly what I did. My plan was to stay until the end - however long that would be. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my dad. Uncas was going to come with the kids on Saturday and then I would keep the kids there with me and Uncas could head back home, so he could go back to work.
As I was leaving town on Wednesday evening, I saw a rainbow. I thought of my dad, how he always looked for things in nature when he drove anywhere and how much he saw because he actually looked.
Up next - part 3 - saying good-bye . . .
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